The Anti-Social Network

I had the audacity to bring my three year old son and 18 month old daughter to a kiddie pool the other day. The car ride was filled with splashy songs about cooling off. I planned the visit deliberately within one hour of its closing due to 1) being forced to leave 2) if the plan fails, then we didn’t miss out on a day of water fun.

This was the first and last time I’ll do such a preposterous thing. My children decided to venture into three feet of water in separate directions. My three year old escaped the safety of the kiddie pool to teeter on the edge of the big kid pool. His sister squealed (not with delight) every 30 seconds because she tagged along to prevent him from jumping into 10 feet of water. I ended up sweating more in the pool than in our sticky apartment.

My plan backfired. I was still charged the full day pool rate. My children refused to leave the pool and pulled the noodle leg defense as I dragged them out in tears. We ended the trip with happy meals from McDonald’s. I ate most of their chicken nuggets because I was mad at them. That backfired too.

Sometimes it is just easier to trash the expectations of leaving the home to do fun things and just stay inside and watch movies and eat take-out for eight hours straight...every day.

I’d like to start a new group in town. Welcome to The Anti-Social Network.  No one will know your name. You are now Mommy. Conversations can start and end abruptly due to rude toddlers. We don’t need to talk. It is okay to grimace with the pain caused by utter frustration. It is understood that we can’t have long phone conversations. The nasty behavior of my children seems to coincide with the beginning of the dial tone. Staring into space is perfectly acceptable. It is a moment in our happy place. No judging on not knowing current events for the next 3-5 years.

Play date times are flexible. It takes 2 hours to get toddlers out the door. At least for me. Maybe we’ll see you tomorrow or next year.